Limited edition hawai'i barbie dolls

PRESS RELEASE: Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-Edition Barbie dolls for the Hawaii market:

KAMEHAMEHA BARBIE by Lehua: This Barbie has dark skin, long bushy hair with a yellow plumeria in her ear, and 5 Hawaiian bracelets on her left hand. Her right hand is automatically in the shaka position. She comes with a lauhala bag, Roxy slippers and board shorts and an opu-showing tank top. Available with a pareo, hula pa'u skirt, and various Song Contest song sheets.

IOLANI BARBIE : This princess Barbie is only sold at Iolani. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a longhaired foreign dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and facelift. Note: Studious Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.

HAWAII KAI BARBIE : This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan and matching velour gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately .

MAYOR WRIGHT HOUSING BARBIE: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash, preferably small, untraceable bills, unless you are a cop, then we don't know what the hell you're talking about.

PUNAHOU BARBIE: This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included is her own Starbucks cup, credit card, and Oahu Country Club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

UNIVERSITY OF HAWAII BARBIE : Short, highly tanned and ready to land a husband-we mean, get an education. Comes with standard issue shorts with "Go Bows" printed largely on the butt. Also comes wearing latest " themed" sorority party T-shirt, hair in pony tail and a gaggle of similar looking friends, each carrying the latest in knock-off Kate Spade bags and with Honda Civic. Undecided major and drunken, backward-hat Frat Boy Ken sold separately.

UP COUNTRY BARBIE: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud Light and a Greatest Hawaiian Country Hits CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick Mullet-Haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a Maui No Ka Oi bumper sticker absolutely free.

KAHALA BARBIE : This collagen injected, rhino-plastic Barbie wears a leopard print spandex outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at Waialae Country Club. Percocet prescription available.

WAIANAE BARBIE: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Waipahu Barbie's repossessed house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top.

HOTEL STREET BARBIE: This slacker Barbie looks an awful lot like Waianae Barbie without a shower. Comes with a pack of clove cigarettes and a sixer of PBR. There are accessory packages with various assortments of body piercings and tattoos available, but they must be purchased separately because, like, she doesn't have a job.

DOWN-TO-EARTH BARBIE : This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight faded blue hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her " Willow ." She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Up Country Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow sticker for free.

FARRINGTON BARBIE : This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

WAIPAHU BARBIE : This Filipino-speaking Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three babies in the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Pinoy Ken doll comes with a machete and work gloves. Ken comes with his own 1979 Ford pickup with a Mufi bumper sticker, tinted windows, and Our Lady of Manila rear window stickers. Truck is painted primer gray, but wheels and rims are not available. Comes with cement blocks. Green cards are not available for Waipahu Barbie or Ken.

RIVER STREET BARBIE/KEN: This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on" parts.

Back to the main page